omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
