i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We're too hungover to prance.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
