I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
