I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
