singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
