he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
