He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
