I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
