She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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