She said her name was "party"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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