Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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