So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Everything about him screamed your future.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I am available for nakedness
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
