Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
