I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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