Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
