he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
