susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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