This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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