How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
