she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
