she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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