miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
