last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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