I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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