In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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