I just pynch a tree in the face
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
