everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
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