I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
