My sheets look like a crime scene.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
