He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
