I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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