i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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