this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
