The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
