I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
