please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
