you guys were way drunker than both of me
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
