Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Green mimosas i think yes
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
