I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
