Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
