college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
