Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
