i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
