I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
