I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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