I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
