redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just pee around me
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
