he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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