Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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