is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
