I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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