Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
