Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
