Define "chronic" masturbator.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
