Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
