So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
