That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
