I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
