Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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