So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
