Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
