As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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