to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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