I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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