too bad you live with your parents still
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
