this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
