You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
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Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
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it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So vagazzling was a success
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.