we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
