Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Operation Purity has been aborted
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
