you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
